i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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