She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
