my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
