I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
do herpes really smell.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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