That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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