Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
be right there i have to get my cape
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
