OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
