you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
