it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
