She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
