its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
