The police scanner is talking about you again....
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize