you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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