You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize