Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
