my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
