as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
