I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
