i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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