he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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