Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
