Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
