remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
