Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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