There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
