and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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