I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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