Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
