I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
