lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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