I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize