She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
