My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
