Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
