are you still at the devil's house?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
