3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
