Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
