i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
