Moan for me like Helen Keller
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
