btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
