this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize