i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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