i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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