There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
