I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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