Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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