her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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