Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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