summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
