I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
