Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
