It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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