i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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