I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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