it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We talked him into tasing himself.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
