I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
