when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
