My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Who died my cat blue again?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
