I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
