Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
