is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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