12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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