I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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