so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
only you would photoshop your dick
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
