I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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