Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
