so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
