Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
