omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
