I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
