hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
