i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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