My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
