dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize