She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
