You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
